Where is the life’s turning point? Is there
a “conversion”?
Actually Teresa has lived in good virtues
since she was a kid. After that, she has been sinned, repented, fell again into
sin, and so on, that it’s difficult to find the exact turning point. Until the
last end of her autobiography, Teresa still sometimes doubted God, that God
rebuked her. However, I think the foundation of St. Joseph’s convent might be
her turning point, because after that she could enjoy a totally secluded life
from the world. And, as Teresa’s source of sins usually came from her relation
with people, it’s good for her to be secluded like that.
For what does the writer apologize? In an
apologizing how does the writer justify?
Teresa apologized often for her lack of
trust in God. God has blessed her with so many visions and appearances to
convince her, however, it’s difficult for he to understand how a sinful person
like her could have been blessed so abundantly by God. And so, she doubted some
times, whether it did not come from the devils who wanted to lure her from God.
I think in this, Teresa justify God’s Infinite Mercy. He never judges His
servants by their pureness, but by their love and persistency to serve Him.
Most of the Saints were sinned severely against Him at first, and because they
(including Teresa) felt the Infinite Mercy and Love from God, their repentance
are perfect, and so, they don’t want anything else than serving God faithfully.
What is the model—the ideal—for this
person’s life?
Teresa didn’t mention about her ideal, but
as she is a severe doubter, stubborn, and has a lack of humility (something she
often admitted), the ideal might be a more tender and flexible person with more
determination. However, there is no perfect human being, and God chose Teresa
anyway, with all her weaknesses. So, I believe the ideal would be someone who
love God and trust his/her life completely to Him.
What is the end of the life: the place
where the writer has arrived, found closure, discovered rest?
After the St. Joseph’s convent has been
founded, Teresa’s duty for God has been fulfilled, and so He granted her chance
to be out of the world, and be with Him entirely, and this could prevent her
from doing sins again.
“I do
not know whether it is for this reason that His Majesty has placed me in this
retired place, where I am so strictly enclosed and where I am so much like a
dead thing that I once thought no one would remember me again.”
“For
the Lord has awakened my soul from the state in which, being neither mortified
nor dead to the things of this world, I used to have such feelings; and His
Majesty will not let me become blind again.”
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